Friday, February 13, 2009
cause the girl
I really wish no one could read this entry but I know this is purely impossible.
Lately, I am one of the happiest girls in the planet. I spent quality time with close friends and we did many interesting things. Not only we lepak together, they even came down to my work place and helped me at work. We watched soccer be it Liverpool, Man U or Arsenal matches, went for driving / riding, had a surprise birthday celebration, went for dinner or supper, watched them washed their bikes but only helped a little, went to play badminton and the many others…
But yesterday I was torn in making decision. As much as I am so willing to have it that way, I have to make instant rational decision.
I am a girl with my own principles. Yes, I do take bikes with guys but once they are attached or seeing someone, I would stop. Yesterday, I was left alone to make that quick and fast decision.
They said it is ok.
BUT NOT FOR ME.
All these while I am ok if he sends me home. He is just one amazing friend. But yesterday when he received a call from a girl at a wee hour and excused himself from us to pick up the call, that whole thing just mean something. It is just not ‘a friend’ if the call came in wee hour. It is just not ‘a friend’ if he has to answer it away from us. Yupz, my assumption may be wrong but what if I am right? I do not want to be a burden for him or a must for him to send me home. Thus, I chose to play it safe and decided to go home on my own. Yes, that moment where I said that I will take cab home froze the world. The looks on their faces were something beyond explaination. I do not want to impose to him to send me home just because he brings extra helmet. If he sends me back just because he felt obliged to do so, it is more of a sad case. And I sincerely do not want that. But if he really do not mind sending me back, he can stop me when I am making that decision but he didnt.
Ya, I know, helping a friend is not wrong but what if my assumption is correct. What if he and that girl are having something on? And if the girl finds out he sends a girl friend home on his bike at a wee hour, it would not be nice either. I do not want to put my friend in the difficult position. It is better I make that decision then having him sending me home with guilty feeling. And I am sure every girl in my position will be doing the same thing (even if that guy means a lot to them, but because he might have someone new, you just have to take a step back).
And to him, although you said its ok, but your expression did not correspond with your sayings. Well at times, offer is best to be said verbally.
Oh well, I can’t stop thinking about yesterday. I don’t know. Part of me says it is a wasted opportunity but part of me says it is a good decision made.
All I know, I am upset. Cause I vow not to fall but I fall yet again.
Lately, I am one of the happiest girls in the planet. I spent quality time with close friends and we did many interesting things. Not only we lepak together, they even came down to my work place and helped me at work. We watched soccer be it Liverpool, Man U or Arsenal matches, went for driving / riding, had a surprise birthday celebration, went for dinner or supper, watched them washed their bikes but only helped a little, went to play badminton and the many others…
But yesterday I was torn in making decision. As much as I am so willing to have it that way, I have to make instant rational decision.
I am a girl with my own principles. Yes, I do take bikes with guys but once they are attached or seeing someone, I would stop. Yesterday, I was left alone to make that quick and fast decision.
They said it is ok.
BUT NOT FOR ME.
All these while I am ok if he sends me home. He is just one amazing friend. But yesterday when he received a call from a girl at a wee hour and excused himself from us to pick up the call, that whole thing just mean something. It is just not ‘a friend’ if the call came in wee hour. It is just not ‘a friend’ if he has to answer it away from us. Yupz, my assumption may be wrong but what if I am right? I do not want to be a burden for him or a must for him to send me home. Thus, I chose to play it safe and decided to go home on my own. Yes, that moment where I said that I will take cab home froze the world. The looks on their faces were something beyond explaination. I do not want to impose to him to send me home just because he brings extra helmet. If he sends me back just because he felt obliged to do so, it is more of a sad case. And I sincerely do not want that. But if he really do not mind sending me back, he can stop me when I am making that decision but he didnt.
Ya, I know, helping a friend is not wrong but what if my assumption is correct. What if he and that girl are having something on? And if the girl finds out he sends a girl friend home on his bike at a wee hour, it would not be nice either. I do not want to put my friend in the difficult position. It is better I make that decision then having him sending me home with guilty feeling. And I am sure every girl in my position will be doing the same thing (even if that guy means a lot to them, but because he might have someone new, you just have to take a step back).
And to him, although you said its ok, but your expression did not correspond with your sayings. Well at times, offer is best to be said verbally.
Oh well, I can’t stop thinking about yesterday. I don’t know. Part of me says it is a wasted opportunity but part of me says it is a good decision made.
All I know, I am upset. Cause I vow not to fall but I fall yet again.
Regards,
Nish
this heart of mine was broken at 4:03 PM
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart
